The feelings is too heavy. When you can't take it, burst into tears may be the only way? I don't know. Feelings is unbearable, tears just can't stop rolling down, flashbacks just can't stop swiping in my mind. Too much memories, it isn't bad. Walking everywhere, here and there has the shadows, and flashbacks again and again. Mind flooded with memories, shadows, you. "What goes around comes back around yeahh.." I hope it really happens. We chasing different dreams, walking on different path. When mum say "You got your own path to go, don't think much", its as if a bullet shooted to my heart. It's real pain. Again, running into room, crying silently. I still couldn't take it. Everything in a sudden, changed. I thought things wouldn't be complicated. I'm afraid. I can't let my heart be peace at the moment, it don't beat normally. Too much things holding on. When I'm facing this, another come. I'm not ready to face all these. But never come, never prepare. When it arrived, I just have to face it with courageous. I'm very down, moody, heavy-hearted. I'm afraid that I couldn't adapt myself in the new environment. Leaving and wouldn't be able to meet the love ones has already brought me real down, now, the most important ones I gotta leave them. Flying to a place which I haven't stepped made me scarred. How am I going to adapt myself? A brand new environment with no one by my side, with all this confused and complicated feelings. Where loneliness can only be smelled. This seriously scarred me. Its a way too fast, one thing come after another. Breaking into tears again and again, couldn't hold my emotion as after this i gotta face a lot of things by myself. I hate separation. I want them to be by my side as always. I just hope everything is fine. I must study well and get good results. I don't want to waste dad's money. Paying approximately RM8K for the first month in my uni, that's a huge amount!
I'll miss most of them. Those who're the important and loving ones. As for now, the rate of my mood from 1-10, i'm at 1!!
Don't give up! You can still go back to your hometown anyway, trust me, you will be happy :)
ReplyDeleteLearning how to live by yourself, all by yourself. Maybe it will takes some time to adapt yourself to the new environment, but hey trust me, you will be okay with it.
And homesick is sure thing when you are all out by yourself. Think at the bright side, don't be discourage! When the time goes, everything will be fine, believe me.
You even don't feel like going back because there are so many things out there for you to treasure and see! :)
All the best ya, love Jessie ;D
All the best ! You can be the best ! well, you will be okay.As how i ever say, separate is the most sadness things ever. But i will always support you ! Hope to see you after you finish ur studies. miss you. xD
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