A little space

I need a little space of mine. I need a total silent, i need to breathe, i need my own place. 

I breathe in and breathe out. Realizing I'm still alive. Wao.. Still surviving!

I don't have bad days, I guess i just don't have a good health and good mood right now. I don't need a shoulder, i don't need a pair of ears. I just need myself. I need a space for me to blow everything out. I don't know how long have all these "invisible" things been lodging in my heart till it accumulate and feel like to blow off now. 

I often complain to myself. Yes I do, every single minute and seconds. I don't see the original me in me myself now. I don't feel the same anymore. I feel like I'm different, and i dislike it. I dislike the environment now, not friends but just the environment. I feel myself like a weirdo. I don't know lar. Trying to convince myself that a new environment, a starting of another chapter. Sometimes, a little changes is needed. Maybe I'm still too into my past? I could tell no one how i feel or what am I facing. Over here, the things i could talk to my friends are what had happened recently, classes, homework, lecturers, assignment and sometimes a little gossips. Over there, i couldn't contact with anybody, maybe once in a blue moon. I'm very bad in time management. I got no much time. All the time i spend only on homework, activities and my time alone for myself. I seldom go online, i seldom be with my phone, i seldom bond with my beloved friends who are far away from me. I miss them, cause only with them I could tell whatever or how i feel. But somehow now i feel there's a huge gap. We're far apart. Yes and i think that's all my fault. *sigh* and I even forget to wish them on their birthday. I know "busy" is just an excuse. But I don't do it on purpose. ):  When I got less bonding with them, the only thing that i do is to pray to God that they'll be safe healthy and surrounded by loves and happiness.

I miss her. She's the one who i used to be.